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The Healing Power of the Ocean

I have been horrible about blogging lately. There has been too much going on!! I had a chance to sneak away with my husband to Cancun a few weeks ago. We were celebrating my 40th birthday a few months early. After all the celebration should be a year as far as I am concerned. Gary and I have a resort we fell in love with and we have been back 3 times now. It is a slice of heaven as far as we are concerned. As I spent every afternoon in the brilliant turquoise water I began thinking. The ocean is a powerful force. Even though the waves were small enough for both of us to jump we still were swept away by a few we just could not jump. The force was so powerful we were over taken and swept off our feet into the abyss. I though about the times when life had swept me away. Nearly 14 years ago I was at rock bottom. I don't really like to think about it,but it happened. There are moments it creeps back up. What was my rock bottom? Detoxing from being on the wrong meds and looking like I had an eating disorder. Not being able to control my emotions or sleep without disturbing dreams of blood. Being a grown woman and having to have my mom sleep next to me. Those were the darkest days of my life. Things got better. Gary and I jumped waves in Cancun. I felt an amazing thing in those waves. A washing away from the past. I was able to live in the moment. I am one of those people who finds it hard to do that. I find it hard to let go. With every way I jumped I was determined not to get swept away. I think you have to have that determination when things are not going your way in life. I ended up enjoying the days we spent in the ocean without feeling too scared that a big wave was headed out way.  I don't know what my future has in store. I am sure there are going to be some big waves. It is not a question of if it is a question of when. Will I be prepared when I hit the waves? I feel I have learned enough these past 20 years as a woman with bipolar disorder to be ready. As long as God's got me in the palm of his hand there is nothing to fear.

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