Some clergy have so far to go when preaching about mental illness

I am a catholic and I was baptized when I was a baby. Being a catholic has been something that has anchored me throughout my 20 year journey as a woman living with bipolar disorder also know as manic depression. I love being catholic and would not change that for the world. Now mental illness is simply not addressed in homilies. Perhaps it is somewhere around the world, but it is rare to hear a homily where depression and anxiety are addressed. Today was the exception. We had a nice young priest giving the homily if you are not catholic it is the part of the mass when the priest preaches. I was so excited when he started to speak about anxiety and depression. Until what he said resonated with me. He said the number one prescriptions in America being written for people with depression and those with anxiety. He is right I am thinking to myself. Then he said suicide is on the rise. Again this is correct. Then what he said blew my mind. He said all people need to do is prioritize and put God first and it would not be this way. Oh really? Is this guy for real? Has he every experience anxiety so bad you have an anxiety attack that leads you to the er because you really feel like you are having a heart attack? Or a depression so deep that dying feels better then living? The truth is God invented these drugs for a reason. There is no shame in taking them. I have been taking legal drugs for 20 years. I bow down to the Lord every day of my life. I do put him first!! Does that mean I can just go off my meds? NO! Now I understand where this priest was coming from some doctors are writing prescriptions left and right. Perhaps when not necessary. Needless to say I came home from church in a rage. How dare this young and seemly educated priest who studied 12 years to become a priest lecture people like this? If I am one in 5 Americans living with a mental illness. So there were probably over a hundred people if not more hearing his homilies today. Surely I was not the only one taking meds or needing to take meds in the congregation. After I came home in a rage I wanted to cry. Some of these clergy have so far to go when it come to understanding mental illness. I do plan on making an appointment with this young man and telling him how I feel. I know he did not intentionally want to make me feel this way. He only spoke about this very briefly in the homily. Perhaps I was not the only one offended. I do want to have a conversation with him about mental health. I think only good will come out of it.

Telling Your In-laws You Have a Mental Illness

I remember 9 years ago my dream came true. I married my prince charming a deadhead, Seattle  Seahawk’s fanatic who picked me up in his burgundy Toyota truck for our first date. I had already told Gary 2 years ago when we first started dating that I had bipolar disorder. He had seen me in remission and I believe my illness never got in his way  his love for me. Ok that was great, however as we took our vows we had a decision to make. Now how do we tell all his aunts and uncles, cousins, sister and brother and sister in law about my mental illness? I feared being the latest gossip of the family. I know Gary did too. I could hear it in my mind "Did you know Gary's new wife has bipolar disorder"? "What was he thinking marrying her"?  News would spread like the  wildfire spreads in the Californian fires. Calls would be made to the Midwest where Gary's family is located. Perhaps his family would not understand the responsibility Gary took when he married me. I was not sure people in his family even knew what bipolar disorder was. Then there is the stigma having a mental illness. Some people fear it because they only see the negative that is all over the news. I had only met a few people from Gary's side of the family before we were married. With all the distance involved through the many miles we lived apart there was not a sensible way of telling them. What were we supposed to do announce it in our first Christmas letter? Maybe could just throw that in there right? Maybe it would say " We became newlyweds this past year and had a perfect Honeymoon in Hawaii and by the way Susie was diagnosed with bipolar disorder when she way 19". So we just did not say anything. Then the day came I had the crazy idea of writing my story. I realized I was not being true to myself as I looked in the mirror. I felt having bipolar was a sense of shame. Why should I have to hide it from anyone?  I work hard at staying healthy. I take my meds everyday and I could not tell you the last time I forgot to take them. I go to the gym and try to watch what I eat. (Unless Gary is cooking his amazing BBQ or a good steak):) . I sleep 8 or more hours a night. The joke was always we will tell the family when the book comes out. Well, as a surprise to us all the good Lord made that happen. “Some Dreams Are Worth Keeping” was published in 2015. I must say Gary's family has been nothing but supportive with my diagnosis. Perhaps it is true "There is nothing to fear but fear itself " as my grandma's favorite president Franklin D Roosevelt put it.

My best friend caught me "Time After Time"

I found myself in my beautiful home town a few weeks ago. I had a blast from the past as I heard the song "Time After Time" by Cindi Lauper. I passed the mall and I had a flashback to a beautiful Californiagolden summer day back in 1980 something. Cindi's song came on in my best friend's blue Datsun  car. I remember it was stick sift and had a rainbow sticker on the back window. My bff and I loved the song. It was a big hit on the radio. I found myself signing by The Oaks Mall only it was now 2016. My mind went back to all my best friend and I had been through as she has been one of the few people to stand by my side in the hills and the valleys of life. Penny was there that summer of the earth shattering diagnosis that changed my world. She was in the room where I had the pink neon shaggy soft on your feet rug when I felt like I was losing my mind. I did not understand what was happening to me. It was my first mania back in 1995. She was just there for me. I felt her love and friendship that day. That friendship stayed with me "Time After Time" in all the years after the diagnosis and to this day. If you don't understand that much about bipolar you must realize that when a person with bipolar disorder has mania they are very hard to be around. It is as if another person emerges. and in my case I became very moody, anxious, agitated, and filled with enough energy to climb the highest mountain on the planet. I felt as if I could reach out and touch the sun. I felt invincible. So many friends would have jumped ship on that day. Penny's never did. Penny showed me and continues to show me the true meaning of friendship and acceptance without  judgment. She has been quick to forgive me throughout my entire life.. I often wonder if she was the one who had bipolar disorder if I would be that loyal all these years. I hope the answer would be yes, but honestly I am not sure if bipolar would have destroyed our friendship. I hope all of you who take the time to read this have a Penny in your life. My mental illness would have been so much harder to deal without her. I am forever grateful for her friendship

Happy Anniversary!!!!

Gary and I are celebrating our 9 year Anniversary. It sounds funny hearing people say wow you beat the odds lol. Time has moved quickly to say the least. I have grown so much in the past 9 years. I was 30 when I got married. A friend who is like a father figure reached out after her had read my book. He commented that the day of my wedding was even more significant then your usual wedding day. My wedding day marked something extraordinary. It marked the beginning of a stable life. A milestone for me after dealing with a bipolar diagnosis at age 19. For most of my life I lived with extreme highs and lows. Life sucked. On that glorious  day I entered into a new chapter of my life. A life of remission from bipolar. Something I never imagined could really happen to me. I have heard it said the good Lord is full of surprise. I had no idea what surprises God had in store for my future. Since that day I said I do I have thanked God for my new life and my Gary. If ever I doubted  if a God existed it was on that day I was reminded of his infinite love for me. After all he was the one that joined Gary and I in that beautiful church. I am not sure what surprises our future has in store, but I am forever grateful to have such an amazing husband to share the journey.

The Healing Power of the Ocean

I have been horrible about blogging lately. There has been too much going on!! I had a chance to sneak away with my husband to Cancun a few weeks ago. We were celebrating my 40th birthday a few months early. After all the celebration should be a year as far as I am concerned. Gary and I have a resort we fell in love with and we have been back 3 times now. It is a slice of heaven as far as we are concerned. As I spent every afternoon in the brilliant turquoise water I began thinking. The ocean is a powerful force. Even though the waves were small enough for both of us to jump we still were swept away by a few we just could not jump. The force was so powerful we were over taken and swept off our feet into the abyss. I though about the times when life had swept me away. Nearly 14 years ago I was at rock bottom. I don't really like to think about it,but it happened. There are moments it creeps back up. What was my rock bottom? Detoxing from being on the wrong meds and looking like I had an eating disorder. Not being able to control my emotions or sleep without disturbing dreams of blood. Being a grown woman and having to have my mom sleep next to me. Those were the darkest days of my life. Things got better. Gary and I jumped waves in Cancun. I felt an amazing thing in those waves. A washing away from the past. I was able to live in the moment. I am one of those people who finds it hard to do that. I find it hard to let go. With every way I jumped I was determined not to get swept away. I think you have to have that determination when things are not going your way in life. I ended up enjoying the days we spent in the ocean without feeling too scared that a big wave was headed out way.  I don't know what my future has in store. I am sure there are going to be some big waves. It is not a question of if it is a question of when. Will I be prepared when I hit the waves? I feel I have learned enough these past 20 years as a woman with bipolar disorder to be ready. As long as God's got me in the palm of his hand there is nothing to fear.